I’M DOING A SERIES OF POSTS AS I READ THIS BOOK; TERRY COLE-WHITTAKER‘S WHAT YOU THINK OF ME IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. THE SUBTITLE IS ABOUT FOLLOWING YOUR INNER PATH TO HAPPINESS, SUCCESS AND SELF-FULFILMENT.
This is a really long post on Chapter 15: “Sexuality : ask for what you want “.
“Sexual pleasure is God’s way of giving you an opportunity to love and be loved.
Sex is not a way of getting anything but a way of giving and of totally experiencing yourself and all of your beauty and magnificence. Yet there’s probably no area of our lives in which there’s as much confusion, as over sex.
At the turn of the century, sex was regarded as a shameful necessity, a matter to be discussed only in whispers. It was ok for men to enjoy sex, but not with their wives!
Sex for wives was the unpleasant means by which children were conceived. The bed chamber was surreptitiously regarded as a room for necessary occasions of unhappiness. And if by chance, the woman enjoyed the sexual experience, it was a guilty secret she had kept to herself.
Now there is a new openness about sex, and mates share their complaints to an army of therapists, who not only assure them sex is ok but counsel them in its techniques.
Orgasm has become one of women’s rights and many men view the new responsibility of female pleasure as a burden.
To have a satisfactory relationship , you must listen to your body speak to you. You know what you want and be sufficiently trusting to ask your partner for it.
You must be willing to give your partner what he or she wants if it’s comfortable for you to do so . Both of you, as consenting adults are seeking a mutuality of the highest good. If you do not see yourself as a lovable and capable being, you will be insecure about your sexual needs and will not be willing to pleasure or be pleasured by your mate.
It’s what we don’t say that creates many of our sexual problems .
We must not be afraid to, as for what pleasures us and accept completely that it’s perfectly okay to enjoy the pleasure of our own bodies . Self righteousness has absolutely no place in loving sex. You must give up making you or your partner right or wrong . The bed is not the place to get even or to victimise yourself or another . You must be willing to communicate openly and freely with your partner. This means sharing your fears, doubts, wants and pleasures. Be compassionate with yourself and with your partner. Be committed to your own joys, to his or her joys, and to creating a loving and supportive environment. You must affirm your acceptance of your body as God’s gift to you, and the more you are willing to accept your body as God’s gift, the greater will be your sexual gratification and the greater the mutuality of ecstasy with your partner in an act that can and should transcend the physical. Sex is great, but you bring your mind and its attitudes to bed with you. And if your attitudes are ones of evaluating and judging your performance, you will judge the performance of your mate. As I have said over and over in this book , you either see the world as a supportive place or as a place out to get you.
When you accept the world as supportive , you will allow yourself to experience the good things in it — and that includes sex!
“I love my body and the pleasure it can give me”.
“I am willing to ask my partner to please me knowing that as I am pleased so will I please “.
“I deserve and enjoy sex as a natural part of my being “.